My oldest daughter shared this email with me from her mother-in-law. I don't have a reference but know it speaks truth. It's about childhood alone not looking at our children as a set of ears, cochlear implants or hearing aids rather as the
"I was on a parenting
bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4
1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left
me not only saddened but also pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry
list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write
his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more
their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to
lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child
develops at his own pace and not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to
see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with
lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such
a competitive culture that even our preschoolers have become trophies and
bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list
of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she
is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is
safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in
varied situations.
He should know that he can
trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that
doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights
and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to
laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is
always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own
interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about
learning his numbers, his parents should realize he will learn them
accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships,
drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.
She should know that the
world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful,
brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous.
She should know that it’s
just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy
houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to know.
That every child learns to
walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no
bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.
That the single biggest
predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to
children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking
toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!)
to sit and read them wonderful books.
That being the smartest or
most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest.
We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re
giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours.
One of the biggest
advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
That our children deserve
to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore
them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t
be missed, but some things are important– building toys like lego and blocks,
creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments
(real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books.
(Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.)
They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with
scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread
and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table
while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard
where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
That our children need
more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of
ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the
world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with
friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we
live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes
a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s
not okay!
Our children don’t need
Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and
soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and
listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents
who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need
us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring
night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long
and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority
for us and that we truly love to be with them."
Patty Young
WMS
Teacher
